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Waffle Party

But if we hit our numbers by quarter’s end, one of us gets named refiner of the quarter, and that shit gets you a waffle party.

Dylan, “Half Loop” (10:03)

The Waffle Party is the highest perk available to employees of Macrodata Refinement, and presumably other employees of Lumon Industries. It is awarded to the employee designated Refiner of the Quarter by the Senior Refiner (or department head).

Contrary to the name, waffles don’t play an overly large role in the Waffle Party.


We don’t know if these perks are the same for everyone, but it seems clear that they follow a very reverence to Kier philosophy. Waffle Parties are conducted after business hours. The lucky refiner makes their way to the Perpetuity Wing and then to the Kier Eagan Replica House. Once inside, the refiner is greeted with a table setting that includes a serving of three Belgian waffles (replete with flawless pat of butter), a carafe of syrup, and a goblet of milk. The refiner then enjoys their waffles. They’re expected to clean their plate, because after eating the last of the waffles a message on the plate is revealed:


Waiting on the founder’s bed, which is normally off-limits, is a Kier Eagan mask and a special Cat o’ Nine Tails. The refiner dons the mask and climbs onto the bed.

What follows is a highly sexually-charged interpretive dance performance by The Four Tempers, each wearing a mask representing their respective temper. In order of appearance, they are Frolic, Woe, Dread, and Malice. Their sculpted masks echo the depiction of the tempers in the highly calming and inspirational painting, Kier Taming the Four Tempers. Woe is a bride, Frolic is a fool, Dread is a crone, and Malice is a ram.

In Dylan’s Waffle Party, three of the dancers were female and one was male. This may vary by Refiner. The performers thrust their hips and strut their stuff. They are graceful yet menacing. Their masks conceal the faces and feelings of the temper dancers. The party is intended to be followed by sex, according to Ben Stiller.

waffle_party.txt · Last modified: 2022-11-27 07:35 by Scribe of Kier