00:00:15 Helly: “All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am.”

00:00:51 Milchick: But I’m afraid you still don’t mean it.

00:01:25 Milchick: We’ll try again in the morning.

00:02:06 Milchick: See you tomorrow, Helly.

00:02:22 Helly: Fuck me.

00:02:28 Helly: I read it 300 times yesterday.

00:02:32 Milchick: 259. Again, please. Now.

00:02:40 Helly: What the hell is that voice?

00:02:59 Helly: “Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me. And only in me shall their stain live on.”

00:03:30 Helly: I really am sorry, okay?

00:03:35 Helly: I’m sorry.

00:03:38 Milchick: No paraphrasing. Again.

00:06:35 Irving: Mark? Mark: Yep?

00:06:36 Irving: It’s past 1100, and Helly’s been in the break room since yesterday.

00:06:41 Mark: Okay? Irving: I wonder if, as department chief,

00:06:43 Irving: you feel you should check on her progress?

00:06:46 Mark: Well… Dylan: Mark doesn’t have that power.

00:06:48 Irving: Well, he can ask. Dylan: He’s not going to.

00:06:49 Irving: He might. Mark: Okay…

00:06:50 Burt: Hi. I’m so sorry to interrupt. We met the other day. I’m Burt from Optics and Design.

00:07:02 Burt: Hi, Irving. Irving: Hi, Burt. What are you doing here?

00:07:05 Dylan: Exactly how the wet fuck do you know

00:07:07 Dylan: where this office is? Mark: Dylan!

00:07:08 Burt: My predecessor, Alice K., came here once when they still did the summits,

00:07:12 Burt: and she’d left directions. Dylan: Give us them reversed.

00:07:15 Burt: Okay. It’s all right.

00:07:16 Mark: What can we do for you, Burt?

00:07:17 Burt: Thank you. Well…Irving, I kept thinking about what you said about being excited for the new handbook totes, and maybe you were kidding and teasing.

00:07:27 Irving: No, not at all.

00:07:29 Burt: Okay, good. I’ve been fretting, though, because you mentioned the anticipation could distract from your work, which was the opposite of my intent. So I figured, heck, let’s bring them over now. That way, it won’t be on your mind.

00:07:43 Irving: You brought pre-release handbook totes for us?

00:07:48 Burt: It seemed like the right thing. I know your time is valuable.

00:07:51 Dylan: Okay, well, you can drop ’em on the desk. Long hike back to O&D.

00:07:55 Burt: Right.

00:07:56 Burt: I also wanted to extend an invitation. Again, I know you…you work hard, so… If an informal tour of O&D ever sounds refreshing, I’d be happy to personally offer that to Irving and any one of you.

00:08:11 Burt: Directions are in the front bag, reversed.

00:08:14 Dylan: Hard pass.

00:08:18 Burt: Okay.

00:08:21 Irving: Thank you, Burt.

00:08:23 Burt: Thank you.

00:08:32 Mark: Just seems soon to be taking him up on his offer.

00:08:35 Irving: It’s absurd we’ve never visited them before now. Kier’s whole original vision saw us all working together.

00:08:43 Dylan: That was before O&D started disemboweling people’s bowels.

00:08:46 Irving: Nonsense. I’ll be back by 1:00.

00:08:50 Dylan: He’s gonna die.

00:08:54 Mark: Irv…

00:09:04 Mark: How many times?

00:09:08 Helly: 1,072.

00:09:40 Helly: What about the voice behind the door?

00:09:42 Dylan: Crying baby, you mean?

00:09:45 Helly: No. Like, the angry, mumbly guy.

00:09:47 Mark: Guys? We’re really not supposed to talk about the break room. You know, the important thing is, you apologized correctly, and now you’re out.

00:09:57 Dylan: What you gotta do is trick the machine by thinking about something you’re really sorry about, so I like to imagine my Outie’s love-made with a MILF or two, which is obviously badass, but I do pity the husbands.

00:10:29 Mark: Hey. Break room sucks. But that’s why we have protocols and procedures so we don’t end up there.

00:10:39 Mark: You’ll learn. I promise.

00:10:54 Irving: Hello?

00:10:56 Felicia: Who’s that?

00:10:58 Irving: Hi. It’s Irving B. From Macrodata Refinement. We met in the hall the other day.

00:11:09 Felicia: Burt’s over there by shelf six. Don’t touch anything.

00:11:16 Burt: The big envelopes can handle an appendix reissue. But, of course, we ship all the hallway pieces in-frame.

00:11:28 Irving: So much to remember.

00:11:31 Burt: Felicia and I make do. I’m sure it’s easier than whatever you MDR kids get up to all day.

00:11:39 Irving: I can only imagine what it’s like when the new art comes in. I mean, you see it before anyone.

00:11:46 Irving: It’s so dumb, but I actually cried when you guys put up The Youthful Convalescence of Kier.

00:11:54 Burt: No. Irving: I did.

00:11:55 Irving: I never thought I’d see the handbook passage depicted visually. It was only up for a month or so, but, man. What a month!

00:12:11 Burt: Come here.

00:12:14 Burt: Once the hall art’s been cycled through all the departments, it ends up back here.

00:12:21 Irving: Wow!

00:12:26 Irving: Where did Felicia go?

00:12:27 Burt: Supply run.

00:12:32 Irving: Voilà.

00:12:39 Burt: “Let not weakness live in your veins. Cherished workers, drown it inside you.”

00:12:45 Irving: “Rise up from your deathbed and sally forth, more perfect for the struggle.”

00:12:54 Burt: Exactly.

00:12:56 Irving: I…I can’t believe you…you have this.

00:13:17 Irving: I’m sorry. What time is it? I have to go.

00:13:38 Mark: Hey, Helly.

00:13:41 Helly: I got to 4%. Mark: Yes!

00:13:43 Mark: Feels good, right?

00:13:46 Helly: I guess. Mark: Awesome. I’m glad you agree.

00:13:52 Mark: Great work.

00:15:26 Helly: What’s this?

00:15:27 Helly: Will you put that away?

00:15:31 Dylan: Put what away? Helly: It’s a map of the hallways.

00:15:33 Mark: No, it isn’t.

00:15:34 Dylan: I thought we weren’t supposed to make maps.

00:15:37 Mark: We’re not. I didn’t. It’s just something I found. I think Petey made it.

00:15:41 Dylan: Oh, shit. You didn’t turn it in?

00:15:44 Helly: You’re such a hypocrite, lecturing me on following the rules.

00:15:47 Mark: I wasn’t lecturing you. I’m just trying to keep you out of the break room.

00:15:50 Dylan: I can’t believe Petey was a mapper. Let me see it.

00:15:53 Dylan: He’s got Wellness, Management, Perpetuity… Everywhere we know of. This must’ve taken him weeks.

00:16:00 Helly: Why aren’t we supposed to map the office?

00:16:02 Mark: It’s an Eagan rule. “Render not my creation in miniature.”

00:16:05 Helly: Why?

00:16:07 Dylan: What the fuck is this?

00:16:09 Helly: They look like houses, right? That’s how houses look.

00:16:11 Mark: Yeah, exactly, because these are random, bored doodles.

00:16:15 Helly: Well, maybe they’re on the outside and Petey found a way to get to them.

00:16:17 Mark: So why would they be on a map of the severed floor?

00:16:20 Helly: It could be a thing. You don’t know.

00:16:22 Mark: It’s not a thing.

00:16:23 Helly: Clearly he was trying to tell you something.

00:16:25 Mark: No.

00:16:26 Helly: Go lick a boot, Mark.

00:16:30 Helly: You’re more loyal to this place than to your friend.

00:16:32 Mark: I’m loyal to how it felt around here before you showed up.

00:16:36 Helly: You mean when Petey was here?

00:16:38 Mark: Yeah, because there was balance. We could have fun and work without the whole goddamn department imploding.

00:16:44 Helly: The work is bullshit.

00:16:46 Mark: The work is mysterious and important. And we deal with the uncertainty it brings us in the way that Kier would’ve wanted. Together, as a family.

00:17:00 Helly: I could not, with a razor to my throat, be less interested in being your family.

00:17:13 Helly: Your best friend left this for you, and you don’t give a shit.

00:17:34 Mark: You’re right. I don’t give a shit.

00:17:36 Helly: Mark…

00:17:41 Mark: There. It’s gone. Thank you, Helly. Now we can get back to work.

00:17:50 Irving: Mark! It’s an emergency.

00:17:58 Mark: Okay. All right…

00:17:59 Irving: I was going to get Mr. Milchick, but I thought it best not to break the chain of command.

00:18:03 Dylan: It’s just raining contraband today.

00:18:05 Irving: What do you mean? Mark: It doesn’t matter.

00:18:07 Mark: Has anyone seen anything like this before?

00:18:10 Irving: Passage 31, page 110. “Be content in my words, and dally not in the scholastic pursuits of lesser men.”

00:18:18 Mark: No books except the handbook. I know.

00:18:22 Irving: What are you doing?

00:18:23 Dylan: His ego’s pissed ’cause Helly called him out for boot-licking.

00:18:25 Mark: My ego’s fine. I’m just trying to… Dylan: Damn.

00:18:30 Irving: Mark, what is this?

00:18:31 Dylan: Maybe it’s another Petey message. Flip through. See if my name’s anywhere.

00:18:35 Irving: I bet it’s a loyalty test. Remember the spicy candy?

00:18:39 Mark: I’ll be turning this in to Milchick.

00:18:41 Dylan: What? Why? It’s booty. It’s booty with your name on it.

00:18:44 Irving: Excellent decision, Mark. This is an idolatrous text that should be brought to him immediately.

00:19:15 Dylan: So, what’s their space like? Stalactites and shit?

00:19:17 Irving: No, it’s nice. Burt’s fostered a really welcoming environment. He understands the spirit of Lumon.

00:19:25 Mark: Helly?

00:19:28 Milchick: Excuse me! Helly!

00:19:29 Cobel: Jesus, Helly!

00:19:30 Helly: I want a camera!

00:19:32 Milchick: I am so sorry, Ms. Cobel. I will… Cobel: What is happening here?

00:19:35 Helly: What’s happening is, you’re going to give me a video camera so I can tape a resignation to my Outie right fucking now, or you’re going to have to explain to her why she’s missing four fingers.

00:19:46 Cobel: Okay. Let’s just…

00:19:50 Helly: It’s Cobel, right?

00:19:52 Cobel: Yes.

00:19:54 Helly: Cobel, do I look like I’m fucking around right now?

00:19:58 Cobel: No. No, you do not.

00:20:01 Mark: Helly!

00:20:04 Cobel: Hi, Mark. I’m just catching up with your trainee.

00:20:11 Cobel: Mr. Milchick, could you get the video camera, please?

00:20:42 Helly: Hey.

00:21:16 Helly: Well, boss. I guess this is the part where I should tell you to go to hell. Except you’re already here.

00:21:33 Helly: I was never sorry.

00:21:56 Helly: Helly, I watched your video asking that I resign. I also received and responded to your previous request. I assumed that would resolve the issue, but now Ms. Cobel says you threatened to cut off your fingers? I understand that you’re unhappy with the life that you’ve been given.

00:22:24 Helly: But you know what? Eventually, we all have to accept reality. So, here it is.

00:22:33 Helly: I am a person. You are not. I make the decisions. You do not.

00:22:45 Helly: And if you ever do anything to my fingers, know that I will keep you alive long enough to horribly regret that. Your resignation request is denied. Turn it off.

00:23:17 Mark: “Welcome your child into a world surrounded by nature.” No, thanks.

00:23:25 Mark: “Scroll down to explore our rustic birthing cabins.”

00:23:31 Mark: I don’t know. It just…

00:23:33 Mark: It looks more like a shitty ski resort than a birthing center to me, but…

00:23:39 Devon: Okay, sure, fine.

00:23:40 Devon: But it’s gonna be awesome. And you’re gonna like it.

00:23:42 Mark: How much of this was Ricken’s idea, 300% or 400%?

00:23:46 Devon: Just… Get all of your snark out now or you’re never gonna earn your uncle badge.

00:23:50 Mark: You know what? I think I might have some more snark in me. I’m kinda tired.

00:23:54 Devon: Call you tomorrow? Mark: Okay, bye.

00:24:56 Graner: Have you heard from the Board yet?

00:25:01 Cobel: No.

00:25:03 Graner: Kilmer wasn’t your fault, and it certainly wasn’t mine. They’ll understand.

00:25:12 Graner: It wasn’t your fault, Harmony.

00:25:17 Cobel: If you want a hug, go to hell and find your mother.

00:25:20 Graner: Jesus.

00:25:21 Cobel: Since Petey reintegrated…

00:25:23 Graner: The Board’s never acknowledged reintegration.

00:25:25 Cobel: We have to get his chip.

00:25:30 Graner: His corpse is scheduled to be destroyed by cremation following his funeral on Sunday. FYI.

00:25:55 Cobel: Vision. Verve. Wit. Cheer. Humility. Benevolence. Nimbleness. Probity. Wiles.

00:26:18 Cobel: Wiles.

00:26:51 Cobel: Mark.

00:26:53 Mark: Mrs. Selvig?

00:26:54 Cobel: What are you doing here? Mark: Wh…

00:26:57 Mark: I’m… You know, the news report said that he worked at Lumon, so I thought maybe I knew him. What are you doing here?

00:27:06 Cobel: He used to come by my shop. He adored my hibiscus wrap.

00:27:10 Mark: Oh, my God. Wow, it’s a small world.

00:27:14 Cobel: Poor, poor man.

00:27:17 Cobel: Well, on the upside, at least now we both have a date.

00:27:23 Cobel: There he is. If you’d like to go in and pay your respects, I’ll wait right here for you.

00:27:27 Mark: I think I might swing by the bathroom, but I’ll see you in a sec.

00:27:32 Cobel: Service is starting soon. Mark: Yeah.

00:27:46 Mark: Whiskey. Rocks.

00:27:48 Bartender: It’s just wine, sir.

00:27:50 Mark: Right. Red, please.

00:28:26 Cobel: Hello. Were you a friend?

00:28:31 June: He was my dad.

00:28:33 Cobel: I’m so deeply sorry.

00:28:41 Cobel: I suppose you were close and everything.

00:28:56 Nina: White, please.

00:29:04 Nina: I’m sorry, I don’t know you. I’m Nina.

00:29:07 Mark: Mark Scout.

00:29:10 Nina: I’m Peter’s ex-wife.

00:29:13 Mark: Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry.

00:29:20 Nina: You’re from Lumon. So you didn’t even know him at all.

00:29:36 Mark: I just figured I knew him, and… June: Hey, Mom.

00:29:38 June: They wanna start.

00:29:40 Nina: Okay, baby.

00:29:42 Mark: Hi. You’re… Are you June?

00:29:46 June: Yeah.

00:29:48 Mark: It’s nice to meet you.

00:30:17 June: So you knew my dad?

00:30:21 Mark: Yeah. At work.

00:30:29 June: You’re one of those.

00:30:31 June: Do you ever think that maybe the best way to deal with a fucked-up situation in your life isn’t to just shut your brain off half the time?

00:30:41 Mark: I’m not exactly sure.

00:30:46 Mark: I’m sorry.

00:30:48 Petey: We’re gonna perform something for you.

00:30:52 Petey: I’m glad you’re here, babe.

00:30:54 Petey: We’re gonna play a… We’re gon… We’re gonna melt your face off.

00:30:57 Petey: We’re gonna rock to it. June: Gonna play some rock and roll.

00:30:59 Petey: Rock show time!

00:31:07 June (singing): Say your prayers, little one.
Don’t forget, my son.
To include everyone.
Tuck you in, warm within.
Keep you free from sin.
Till the sandman, he comes.
Sleep with one eye open.
Gripping your pillow tight.
Exit light. Enter night.
Grain of sand.
We’re off to never-never land.
Something’s wrong, shut the light.
Heavy thoughts tonight And they aren’t of Snow White.
Dreams of war, dreams of liars.
Dreams of dragon’s fire.
And of things that will bite.
Sleep with one eye open.
Gripping your pillow tight.
Exit light. Enter night.
Take my hand.
We’re off to never-never land.

00:32:30 Petey: I pray the Lord my soul to keep

00:32:32 June: I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

00:32:34 Petey: And if I die before I wake.

00:32:36 June: And if I die before I wake.

00:32:38 Petey: I pray the Lord my soul to take

00:32:40 June: I pray the Lord my soul to take.

00:32:42 Petey (singing): Hush, little baby, don’t say a word.
And never mind that noise you heard.
It’s just the monster under your bed.

00:32:54 Petey (singing): In your closet, in your head. June (singing): In your head.

00:32:58 June (singing): Exit light. Enter night.
Grain of sand.
We’re off to never-never land.

00:33:22 Petey: No!

00:33:25 Petey: No!

00:33:29 Petey: What… What if you went so fast that smoke started coming out?

00:33:32 June: Out of your ears.

00:33:53 Cobel: Mark, sweetheart, are you all right? I’m so sorry.

00:33:55 Mark: Yeah. Cobel: I think I have this cystitis under…

00:33:57 Mark: This was a mistake. I have to go.

00:33:59 Cobel: Okay, well, let me come with you. Mark: No, that’s not necessary.

00:34:02 Cobel: No, I’ve paid my respects. Let’s go. Eulogist: Let us pray.

00:34:04 Eulogist: Our Father, who art in heaven…

00:34:07 Cobel: So, was the funeral just too sad, or…

00:34:12 Mark: Something like that, yeah.

00:34:14 Cobel: If you ever wanna talk…

00:34:16 Mark: Oh, no. Thank you. I just… I’m fine. But thank you for, you know, being my funeral buddy today.

00:34:26 Cobel: Good night.

00:34:28 Mark: Good night.

00:37:27 Milchick: That’s Petey?

00:37:30 Cobel: That’s Petey.

00:37:34 Milchick: How did you…

00:37:35 Cobel: Would you mind taking that up to diagnostics for me?

00:37:46 Cobel: Yes?

00:37:53 Ms. Casey: You requested me, Ms. Cobel?

00:37:55 Ms. Casey, I’d like you to run a special wellness session with Mark S.

00:38:01 Milchick: Mark S.? What’s the problem?

00:38:08 Cobel: He just needs it. Trust me.

00:38:26 Irving: “Kier invites you to drink of his water.”

00:38:30 Burt: Irving. Irving: Felicia said you’d be here.

00:38:35 Irving: Is it awful to say I don’t care for that one?

00:38:40 Burt: No. Honestly, it makes me nervous too. Such a lovely vista, but I keep thinking…

00:38:49 Irving: He could slip.

00:38:55 Burt: It was a thrill to have someone from MDR come see us, to take an interest like you did, so… If I embarrassed myself…

00:39:04 Irving: You didn’t. Unless, you did? Are you embarrassed?

00:39:14 Burt: No.

00:39:17 Irving: Good.

00:39:21 Burt: I have four more stops. Would MDR consider joining me?

00:39:31 Irving: MDR would.

00:39:35 Burt: You’re crazy. I wish I could nap. I think I sleep 15 hours a night up there.

00:39:41 Irving: It’s a character flaw.

00:39:43 Burt: It just means you’re a party guy, disco king.

00:39:45 Irving: I can’t be falling asleep, Burt.

00:39:47 Burt: Who cares? Irving: The handbook cares.

00:39:50 Irving: “No workplace shall be repurposed for slumber.”

00:39:54 Burt: I know the handbook, old man. I’m more of a first edition guy.

00:39:59 Burt: The original word of Kier: “And I shall whisper to ye dutiful through the ages. In your noblest thoughts and epiphanies shall be my voice. You are my mouth, and through ye, I will whisper on when I am 10 centuries demised.”

00:40:22 Irving: I don’t understand.

00:40:24 Burt: He doesn’t just speak to us through the handbook or the paintings. He finds other ways.

00:40:34 Mark: “You think you need your job. But I’ve lived abroad as a vagrant, abstaining from my own money to rely on the charity of strangers. Most were beggars themselves, yet they were happy. And so, for that summer, was I. Your job needs you, not the other way around.”

00:41:07 Burt: Safe travels, MDR.

00:41:10 Irving: Thanks, O&D.

00:41:30 Ms. Casey: Mark?

00:41:33 Helly: I’m gonna go.

00:41:35 Dylan: Do it. I’m working up till the bell. I think I may still crush this thing tonight.

00:41:40 Helly: I hope you do.

00:41:45 Helly: See you soon.

00:42:48 Dylan: Knew it.

00:42:55 Ms. Casey: Sometimes I ask people to sculpt how they feel out of clay. Would you like to do that?

00:43:07 Mark: All right.

00:43:40 Dylan: “’Destiny’. An acrostic poem experience by the author, Ricken Hale.”
“D is for dreaming, the start of it all;
E is for energy breaking down walls;
S is for stewardship, of home and of earth.
T is for terror, which gives us more worth.
I is for eyes, which observe us with love.
Until N, meaning newness, rains down from above.
And Y. That’s a question we needn’t now ponder.
For destiny, friends, shall deliver all yonder.”

00:45:12 Mark: Hey. How are you?

00:45:13 Helly: Good.

00:45:15 Mark: Yeah? Seems like you’re getting the hang of stuff here.

00:45:20 Mark: Cool.