A retirement party is a wonderful rite of passage for all Lumon employees. When an outie decides for whatever reason that they will no longer work at Lumon, Lumon management gives their innie a chance to say goodbye to their coworkers before they are no longer serving Kier by their side.

The retiring innie's department is granted a special dispensation of one hour of work time to be set aside to celebrate the retiree, and a food reward of the innie's choice will be provided for the nourishment and comfort of those saying goodbye to a cherished workplace friend. The melon party assemblage is often regarded as the favorite, as it allows Lumon's talented food artists to attempt to render the retiree in melon form, upon request. Banners and signs may be created to mark this occasion as well.

The retiring outie is encouraged to select one (1) song from the Retirement Song List to play as they professionally shake hands with their colleagues before departure. Lumon management feels this sets a tone reflective of the innie joining the outie at last, and gives those left behind a sense of who that outie is.

Special ten minute wellness sessions are available if an innie is having difficulty processing the absence of the retired member of their work family, but only after a recommendation and request is made by the department manager.

The propaganda that retirement is a sick euphemism for death of an innie is corrosive and Kier would not approve of such heresy. While it is true that those who have worked side by side with an innie who has retired will not ever see them again (for even if two such former innie coworkers were to encounter each other on the street or a book release party, they would not know each other any better than any other stranger.